*Inara is shown sitting in the living quarters aboard Echidna's Daughter sitting on the long couch below the large window. It appears the ship is sitting outside a station, as a portion of the Gallente design is visible on the backdrop of stars. She's sitting there in a long, dark blue, plush robe; her hair still slightly damp and hanging loose by her shoulders.*
*She starts the recording by playing another recording of a man's voice, "I know who you really are underneath, Inara Subaka, and you are very lovable - despite your darker sides and maybe partly becasue of them" Taking a moment of silence she turns away from the window to face the camera drone.* Me lovable? I laughed in his face, or rather, into his chest while he was holding me. I guess I should start from the beginning, instead of jumping to the last chapter.
It started as I was reading in the 'Hook, Reppy had fallen asleep leaning on me and I saw him come in. I was tired of being afraid, trying to guess what he was going to do with the information... the power he held over me. So, I took a leap and had Reppy returned home, while I went to face the only man that had caused me fear in quite a while.
Who'd have thought, with everything he had over me, he offered to take our conversation someplace private... I was expecting the boardroom, but he surprised me by offering his place. Then the fucking gentleman had to be polite and escort me the entire way on his arm...
Then, after getting me a glass of water to drink he had the gall to tell me about protecting Family... Lecturing me on how Family is there for each other, watching each others' backs. Damn it, that's all I know how to do!
*Inara takes a moment to collect herself and continues in more calm tones*
But, he managed to point out, I'm quite good at offering my protection, but have... issues, with accepting any help. *She taps a pad laying on the endtable and a recording of Vince can be heard playing, "More often than not it takes more strength to ask for help than to ignore it."* Hearing him say that was like being called a coward and feeling good about it afterwards. I'm not used to people insulting my strength, my pride. But he did it, without flinching, a smile on his face the entire time.
After settling our issues, knowing he wasn't going to use what he knew to puppet me around, we discussed a variety of things. Trust, friendships, people we know... then, I'm not sure why, I asked him for a favor. Something, I'd never asked anyone. I asked him to hold me, not to cuddle, not to let me hold him; I asked him to hold me.
We discussed Kelsy while I sat there in his lap. It felt oddly... safe, there; it's the only way I can describe it. Then, I'm not sure who brought it up, or how it came about *Inara chuckles* Okay, so that's a lie, I choose not to recall how it came up; but the discussion turned to love.
I know a lot of things, I know that I don't love Vince; I don't love Kelsy, or Reppy, or Elysa, or... I just don't love. It turns out, Vince knew this... and he knew why. Not sure when he started being so observant, but he pinned me down perfectly; the person he was talking to, the me he has had exposure to... she's weak and afraid. So afraid infact, the idea of someone being able to love her scares her *Inara laughs bitterly* And I'm in so much denial that I could be weak or afraid that I refer to that portion of me as another entity.
Sitting there in his embrace, he had me giggling and blushing again... Fucking Gallente bastard, bringing out the weak side of me, making me feel safe, cared for, wanted. I know I'm physically attractive, I go through great efforts to stay that way... but do you know how often I'm told I'm beautiful? Then he goes off and tells me, in not so many words, that if he wasn't in love with Kelsy he'd be falling for me... *Inara nearly growls as she yells* Fuck, what would I do with a Gallente in love with me.
*She pulls her robe tighter around her and whispers* What would I do with love..?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Best Laid Plans...
*Inara is shown pacing one of her training areas wearing a sports bra and sweats. From the way she's breathing hard and the hair plastered to her head it's apparent she's been working out for quite a while.*
I swear, the first time I visit the Gate in weeks and I nearly make a fool of myself in public, then I do make a fool of myself later.
*Growls in an almost feral manner as she kicks a large hanging bag*
Why did Verone have to do it before I got there? If he would have just waited... 5 minutes, I would have been there for the argument, seen Verone pull the gun, and prepared myself for it before it happened. *Shakes her head* No, I can't blame Verone... I don't know what the woman did to earn the shot, but Verone isn't someone to do something like that without cause.
But why did chance make him the only person I knew there? Why did he have to be the one to find me when I was... weak? *As she says the final word she punches a nearby wall, causing a sickening crunch to be heard* Then, why did he have to fucking offer to help me... even after I told him not to offer what he isn't willing to give? Was I not clear enough in what was wrong? Was the shaking, clingy-ness, and blushing not enough of a hint for his thick Gallente skull?
*Inara notices the blood starting to seep through the wrap on her hands and curses*
Then you factor in how this is going to set back convincing him, or rather having Kelsy convince him, that I don't want to steal either of them forever. It was already going to take quite some time, but now...
Thankfully, Reppy was awake when I got home and helped... calm me down. Spent quite some time just talking, touching, being close. By the stars, this shit is making me go soft. *grabs a bottle of water, takes a drink then starts unwrapping her hand. Once the wrap is off the disfigured shape of her knuckles is apparent, even from the distance the camera drone is at. After pouring the last half of the bottle over the wound, she taps a panel on the wall with her good hand.*
I should go get this checked properly... *glances at the panel again* I better get moving before the infirmary goes to morning shift, I like the night doctor better.
I swear, the first time I visit the Gate in weeks and I nearly make a fool of myself in public, then I do make a fool of myself later.
*Growls in an almost feral manner as she kicks a large hanging bag*
Why did Verone have to do it before I got there? If he would have just waited... 5 minutes, I would have been there for the argument, seen Verone pull the gun, and prepared myself for it before it happened. *Shakes her head* No, I can't blame Verone... I don't know what the woman did to earn the shot, but Verone isn't someone to do something like that without cause.
But why did chance make him the only person I knew there? Why did he have to be the one to find me when I was... weak? *As she says the final word she punches a nearby wall, causing a sickening crunch to be heard* Then, why did he have to fucking offer to help me... even after I told him not to offer what he isn't willing to give? Was I not clear enough in what was wrong? Was the shaking, clingy-ness, and blushing not enough of a hint for his thick Gallente skull?
*Inara notices the blood starting to seep through the wrap on her hands and curses*
Then you factor in how this is going to set back convincing him, or rather having Kelsy convince him, that I don't want to steal either of them forever. It was already going to take quite some time, but now...
Thankfully, Reppy was awake when I got home and helped... calm me down. Spent quite some time just talking, touching, being close. By the stars, this shit is making me go soft. *grabs a bottle of water, takes a drink then starts unwrapping her hand. Once the wrap is off the disfigured shape of her knuckles is apparent, even from the distance the camera drone is at. After pouring the last half of the bottle over the wound, she taps a panel on the wall with her good hand.*
I should go get this checked properly... *glances at the panel again* I better get moving before the infirmary goes to morning shift, I like the night doctor better.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Epiphany
*Inara is shown staring out a picture window showing the voids of space*
Forever... Immortality... Patience...
All words I thought I understood, in fact I could have quoted you the definitions verbatim in several languages. But it wasn't until I was walking a beautiful, Gallente woman home that their true value, their substance, was realized. It's strange to think that a purple-haired Gallente former pop-singer was the one to open my eyes, however unintentionally it may have been.
I've been living by the idea that I'm immortal, I can do anything I wish to do, and should try everything at least once through eternity. And this is still true... but I don't have to do it now. With the rest of time to play with, I can be patient and wait centuries without any worries of growing too old to do things.
Sadly, this does mean I will have to wait some time before I'm able to find out what it is about Vince that turns certain women into drooling idiots. And I'm not sure if I've convinced Kelsy that she needs to join me for my evening exercises or not... she seemed quite interested, but leery for fear of angering Vincent. I will never understand it, holding yourself back from what you want or need simply because someone else wouldn't approve.
She holds quite a bit of promise herself, at this point I'm not sure which I'm looking forward to most. She told me herself that most of the reason she stayed in her singing career as long as she did was for power and money... I would have been hard pressed to have found a better reason to do something I wasn't enjoying.
*A chime comes from off camera and a door can be heard sliding open. A young Khanid woman in a sheer night gown enters and curls up against Inara, "When are you coming to bed? You were out late, and I can't sleep very good..." Inara just smiles and kisses the top of her head as she cuts the camera feed.*
Forever... Immortality... Patience...
All words I thought I understood, in fact I could have quoted you the definitions verbatim in several languages. But it wasn't until I was walking a beautiful, Gallente woman home that their true value, their substance, was realized. It's strange to think that a purple-haired Gallente former pop-singer was the one to open my eyes, however unintentionally it may have been.
I've been living by the idea that I'm immortal, I can do anything I wish to do, and should try everything at least once through eternity. And this is still true... but I don't have to do it now. With the rest of time to play with, I can be patient and wait centuries without any worries of growing too old to do things.
Sadly, this does mean I will have to wait some time before I'm able to find out what it is about Vince that turns certain women into drooling idiots. And I'm not sure if I've convinced Kelsy that she needs to join me for my evening exercises or not... she seemed quite interested, but leery for fear of angering Vincent. I will never understand it, holding yourself back from what you want or need simply because someone else wouldn't approve.
She holds quite a bit of promise herself, at this point I'm not sure which I'm looking forward to most. She told me herself that most of the reason she stayed in her singing career as long as she did was for power and money... I would have been hard pressed to have found a better reason to do something I wasn't enjoying.
*A chime comes from off camera and a door can be heard sliding open. A young Khanid woman in a sheer night gown enters and curls up against Inara, "When are you coming to bed? You were out late, and I can't sleep very good..." Inara just smiles and kisses the top of her head as she cuts the camera feed.*
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
That which is mine...
*Inara is sitting behind an ornate desk, in an office that appears to be of Gallente origin. There is a large viewing window behind her desk overlooking a hanger that oddly bears the words CONCORD Bureau on the hanger doors. Her brows are furrowed in frustration as she addresses the camera drone.*
I was asked recently what I meant when I say 'mine', then later told that they still didn't completely understand the idea behind those words.
It all started when someone asked me what I stand for, what my purpose is... My immediate response was to the effect of the protection and betterment of me and mine. I don't feel there is much room for misinterpretation, I do everything within my power to guarantee the safety, survival, and improvement of my life and those that are near me. Vaden, my slaves, the Ghosts... the list goes on, but the idea is the same, they are mine and this concept is apparently difficult for some to grasp.
*Inara rubs her brow and glances to a crystal bottle sitting on a tray near her desk before shaking her head and turning back to the drone.*
And now, I'm hearing of potential threats to something that is mine... from something else that falls under the same category. Purely by practical business sense my choice is clear; but Reppy is such a darling and I'd hate to be forced to give her up simply because some people that I will not name can't move past things that should be labeled as history *as she says this a picture overlays on the screen of Elysa*. Though, I have nothing to fear from the old wardog herself... I don't want to force the directorship of the Ghosts to step in and intervene.
The bitch needs to realize that while Reppy and Mortis may be blood, Reppy has no intention of taking away from their interaction. While she has a new family, Reppy is still drawn to the blood connection she shares with Mort; I think the old attack hound is just afraid Reppy's appearance is going to make her handler go soft... not likely, but a reasonable fear.
*Inara groans in frustration*
This is why I don't get involved with other people's personal problems... I still can't explain why I offered Reppy sanctuary.
And to top it off, I keep seeing that damn purple headed bimbo giggling with that arrogant bastard who thinks the gods created him for the betterment of mankind. He is quite the waste of oxygen, yet he's been with a woman I hold in high respect then broke her heart for some Gallente tart. I keep telling myself he can't be that good, but the more I think about it, the more I want to tie his laboratory perfected ass up and see what it is about him that is so damn special...
*Inara finally breaks down and pours herself a glass of amber liquid and polishes it off quickly.*
And now, it's the end of the day. I sure hope Jane delivered that video she promised, it better be worth it considering I let her borrow some of my tools to make it.
*Feed dies as Inara sets her empty glass on the edge of her table and starts to walk away.*
I was asked recently what I meant when I say 'mine', then later told that they still didn't completely understand the idea behind those words.
It all started when someone asked me what I stand for, what my purpose is... My immediate response was to the effect of the protection and betterment of me and mine. I don't feel there is much room for misinterpretation, I do everything within my power to guarantee the safety, survival, and improvement of my life and those that are near me. Vaden, my slaves, the Ghosts... the list goes on, but the idea is the same, they are mine and this concept is apparently difficult for some to grasp.
*Inara rubs her brow and glances to a crystal bottle sitting on a tray near her desk before shaking her head and turning back to the drone.*
And now, I'm hearing of potential threats to something that is mine... from something else that falls under the same category. Purely by practical business sense my choice is clear; but Reppy is such a darling and I'd hate to be forced to give her up simply because some people that I will not name can't move past things that should be labeled as history *as she says this a picture overlays on the screen of Elysa*. Though, I have nothing to fear from the old wardog herself... I don't want to force the directorship of the Ghosts to step in and intervene.
The bitch needs to realize that while Reppy and Mortis may be blood, Reppy has no intention of taking away from their interaction. While she has a new family, Reppy is still drawn to the blood connection she shares with Mort; I think the old attack hound is just afraid Reppy's appearance is going to make her handler go soft... not likely, but a reasonable fear.
*Inara groans in frustration*
This is why I don't get involved with other people's personal problems... I still can't explain why I offered Reppy sanctuary.
And to top it off, I keep seeing that damn purple headed bimbo giggling with that arrogant bastard who thinks the gods created him for the betterment of mankind. He is quite the waste of oxygen, yet he's been with a woman I hold in high respect then broke her heart for some Gallente tart. I keep telling myself he can't be that good, but the more I think about it, the more I want to tie his laboratory perfected ass up and see what it is about him that is so damn special...
*Inara finally breaks down and pours herself a glass of amber liquid and polishes it off quickly.*
And now, it's the end of the day. I sure hope Jane delivered that video she promised, it better be worth it considering I let her borrow some of my tools to make it.
*Feed dies as Inara sets her empty glass on the edge of her table and starts to walk away.*
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Change
*Log entry back dated ####*
There's an old saying from my training on Saisio, "the only thing that stays the same is the fact that everything changes".
Twice in barely over a month, I've found myself packing everything I owned and moving. Oddly, this time it was back to Sinq Laison... fortunately, neither Vaden nor I are ignorant enough to return to work for that bitch Liiza. No, the other end of that particular region.
Add to that I see "Blue Bunnies"... people that have always shown themselves as hostiles on my interface are now on my NA listing. I'm even expected to fly with some of them, I hesitate to even look at the number of Veto, or Veto friendly, Pilots that have lost something during my last employ. At least, the few I've dealt with during the move were able to put on a friendly face, I just hope they don't plan on getting a chance to get behind me; at this frame in infinity they hold less trust than a starving drooler in a Matari orphanage.
Not to mention, the fact my cloaking technician caused me the loss of a ship. He's being summarily punished for his mistake, and it's just ISK, but he made a mistake. Fortunately the destruction wasn't complete, just enough to force my Pod to emergency eject, and the majority of the slaves onboard Ender of Hubris were able to evacuate via escape pods that routed themselves back to the station for pick-up.
*Inara's mood brightens slightly*
There is good news however... Mortis' little sister, Reppy, was simply delightful. I wish Jane wasn't so opposed to her status as my slave being known to other Pilots (but contracts are contracts), I know she would have enjoyed dessert with us. I've never met someone so wide eyed with wonder at the smallest things, it was rather refreshing to see that kind of naivety in a Pilot and not have it be a complete facade. So timid, rather unusual for someone of her former post in life... but nothing I can't rectify.
On a more practical note, I'm leaving all planetary assets in Tzvi. It's not but a stone's throw away, and uprooting an entire community twice in such a short time period could cause me more disgruntled subjects than it's worth. Besides, rebuilding the infrastructure to support them, again, does not sound like a pleasant prospect. There is still additions being made in Tzvi as we speak, so my foremen are going to have their hands full keeping good communication with me while my residence isn't on site.
*sigh*
I guess I should get back to arranging my belongings here... I hate moving.
There's an old saying from my training on Saisio, "the only thing that stays the same is the fact that everything changes".
Twice in barely over a month, I've found myself packing everything I owned and moving. Oddly, this time it was back to Sinq Laison... fortunately, neither Vaden nor I are ignorant enough to return to work for that bitch Liiza. No, the other end of that particular region.
Add to that I see "Blue Bunnies"... people that have always shown themselves as hostiles on my interface are now on my NA listing. I'm even expected to fly with some of them, I hesitate to even look at the number of Veto, or Veto friendly, Pilots that have lost something during my last employ. At least, the few I've dealt with during the move were able to put on a friendly face, I just hope they don't plan on getting a chance to get behind me; at this frame in infinity they hold less trust than a starving drooler in a Matari orphanage.
Not to mention, the fact my cloaking technician caused me the loss of a ship. He's being summarily punished for his mistake, and it's just ISK, but he made a mistake. Fortunately the destruction wasn't complete, just enough to force my Pod to emergency eject, and the majority of the slaves onboard Ender of Hubris were able to evacuate via escape pods that routed themselves back to the station for pick-up.
*Inara's mood brightens slightly*
There is good news however... Mortis' little sister, Reppy, was simply delightful. I wish Jane wasn't so opposed to her status as my slave being known to other Pilots (but contracts are contracts), I know she would have enjoyed dessert with us. I've never met someone so wide eyed with wonder at the smallest things, it was rather refreshing to see that kind of naivety in a Pilot and not have it be a complete facade. So timid, rather unusual for someone of her former post in life... but nothing I can't rectify.
On a more practical note, I'm leaving all planetary assets in Tzvi. It's not but a stone's throw away, and uprooting an entire community twice in such a short time period could cause me more disgruntled subjects than it's worth. Besides, rebuilding the infrastructure to support them, again, does not sound like a pleasant prospect. There is still additions being made in Tzvi as we speak, so my foremen are going to have their hands full keeping good communication with me while my residence isn't on site.
*sigh*
I guess I should get back to arranging my belongings here... I hate moving.
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