Reset

*The lights are off and the only thing visible is the faint flickering of stars through a wide window with the black silhouette standing gazing out. It's impossible to distinguish any features of the person due to the darkness, not even the starlight is able to bring definition. When she does speak, her voice is in hushed tones, almost as if loud noise will break the cover of darkness she's standing in.*

One week ago today I received word that someone near to me was having problems; they canceled a contract, wouldn't respond to comms, was even drinking... Out of concern, I chanced InterBus transit and made my way to Motsu to visit her. I was surprised to find that her guards wouldn't even allow me to pass, they'd never even paused my entry before then.

Fortunately, my patience won out, and I was granted access to the Sentinel... What I found was disturbing, to say the least. A typically strong woman crippled by a virus in her interface systems, one that normally wouldn't have been a problem, a trivial thing she should have handled on her own. *a deep sigh is heard from the ink black profile* But, her mind was reeling from a blow I was partially responsible for, all but forcing her to find someone to open up to, someone to try and befriend... then the person she chose pulled the proverbial rug out from under her feet. I nearly destroyed someone I care about trying to help them.

*A sad laugh echoes in the darkness*

Maybe that's the theme of my life... destroying things, whether I mean to or not. My life on Saisio, my ties with the State, millions of lives working under Ms. Door, Jall'ns blood family, *sigh* the list goes on.

Of course, I try to clear my head by going out to the Gate and meet a few new faces... one of them gets me drinking. How he did it, I don't completely remember, but I do remember someone mentioning Koro, that bastard, and then having King remind me I'm better than letting my temper control me...

*Silence reigns for several minutes as the dark spot in the field of stars remains still.*

And now, I can't sleep. Not because I'm worried, no need to worry about what is inevitable, right? Reppy is asleep in the other room, and I broke her... I didn't want to, I did everything I could without lying to her to protect her. But it was me that ended up hurting her. *Her voice is starting to get a hitch to it.* Because I had to find out whether I'm human or not, whether I was capable of feeling the kind of love she had for me, I broke her.

*The shadowy shape moves around, it's hard to be sure, but it appears she's leaning against the window facing the void.*

It all started when I told him... I asked him to help me, again. And of course he said he'd help, but he kept asking questions; questions he didn't want the answers to, but he asked anyways. *Her voice is starting to raise and she takes a moment to breathe, starting only when her volume is back in control.* He grabbed me and held me... told me to 'let it out, dear'. I was fine, then he had to make me cry, give me permission to be weak.

I must have wore myself out, cause the next thing I know I'm hearing Reppy raising her voice, but I couldn't make out exactly what she said... there was more soft talking as I tried to figure out how I'd gotten into my own bed. Then, all hell broke loose, I heard a gunshot and was out of bed to see Vince threatening Reppy and a slave on the ground with a hole in his leg. For the first time in my life that I can recall, I froze. I was watching the man that I had fallen in love with threatening the life of the person that means the most to me aside from Jall'n.

What was I supposed to do? I always worked to protect and provide for me and mine, and it's always been simple; but when I have to protect them from me and mine... *A soft sob can be heard, but it is quickly stifled* My best wasn't good enough, I failed on so many fronts, how can I be sure I'm capable of doing what I've been doing anymore?

*Her voice regains focus as she returns to the 'story' as it were.* Reppy shot him, with the gun I gave her; it was just a fleshwound... but she shot him. And I almost took his head. Somehow, duirng the yelling match that seems all jumbled in my head now, he got whatever it was he wanted to hear; I managed to convince him to leave. I hated him so much right then, I had him against a wall, my free hand was wrapped around the handle of my wakizashi and I could have gutted him right there, wiped his memories of the night. But, instead I answered one of his questions he asked earlier, one he didn't want the answer to, and I took a kiss from him, stole it like GHSC... and it felt great.

Then, I finally get him off my ship so I can go back to Reppy. She's still curled up on our bed, she looked so fragile I held her and did my best to comfort her... but, she started asking questions, being persistent so I couldn't avoid hurting her. I told her more of the truth than she could take yet, and I watched it break her and there was nothing I could do. I watched my failure in her eyes, and I couldn't take it... I cried again, it was the first time she'd ever seen tears in my eyes, I think it scared her; but, I knew she was leaving, I don't know that I can ever fix the damage I did to her, and I know I'm not going to get the chance. When she wakes up, there will be a letter waiting on her, and she won't have to settle for giving her love to a... creature like me who can't return the same feelings.

*The stars start to shift and a station of Gallente design, but with CONCORD markings appears. The glow illuminating the room slightly, showing Inara with her head leaning against the window, her back to the camera.*

He told me he loved me too... not in those words exactly, but he said it. But we're not allowed to love each other, I don't even want to feel this. I hate him, and I don't... I'm a monster, and he says I'm not... I try to protect people, and I break them instead...

*She steps off to the side, back into the darkness. The drone records one last thing, barely a whisper before deactivating.*

Reset.